Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
