I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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