Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
