when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
