He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
