Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize