Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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