I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
