Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize