I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
