Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
