And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
