i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
