Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
