I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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