I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
