i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
