i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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