i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
