I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
