You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
