never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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