based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This baby is an asshole
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
