alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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