Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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