Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
