So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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