goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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