i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
