do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
