I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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