This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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