He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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