Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
3 2 1 whiskey
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
