i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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