I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
