What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
