He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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