woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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