So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
