What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
