the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
