fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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