its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
