I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
