i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
