Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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