Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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