Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
