My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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