remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
