I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
