I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
