Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
