when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
