It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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