Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
