put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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