Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize