I think I am morally bankrupt
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
