I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
