i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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