Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
