better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
