A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
