ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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